For a change, it wasn't a girl.
It was two girls.
I was seventeen, in my first year of sixth form, and basking in the happiness of a long standing crush ending. It was over, I didn't give a shit about her just like she hadn't given a shit about me for two years. Thank God that was over.
But behind all the happiness I was secretly crushing on two other girls from the lower sixth at the same time. S and J were good friends with each other and had their own circle of friends which quite frankly wasn't mine. I would gaze across the common room at them but try not to be weird around them. And nobody knew and nobody guessed and it dragged on into the early months of 1986. Did I mention this before? (Checks) Oh I sort of did.
Meanwhile in the early months of 1986, my first two EPs of the year "Three for all" and "The commercial break" have been well received, I'm rehearsing the same songs every Saturday with Final Ecstasy, one week at Robin's house, one week at my house and one week at Dave's house. One time we have a drummer and it turns into a guitar and drum volume battle, so we sack him. One time we have a singer, but it turns out he's more interested in sport on Saturdays than our band (which is fair enough, given his father's job then and his own job now) so we sack him too.
During the first two weeks of March I prepare an EP for release entitled "A kiss in the rain and other dreams". There's two songs from the same session that gave the world "Three for all".."So in love" has nothing to do with OMD, and is a jaunty little piano tune about how happy I am to be in love. It's kind of based on a Victoria Wood song. "Sunset at six" was about how different people do different things at six pm. Both of those were shit. "This is all that I want" and "Out of control" were better - the former was written after a Final Ecstasy session at my house, I left all my synths out and came up with a cute electro pop song, then invited Mike H to come over after school on the Monday to record it. "Out of control" was five minutes of pulsing Roland synth noise, but with a tune. Both songs kind of hinted that I was crushing but not telling, there's a slightly desperate air of jollity about them.
Once I'd finished the EP - around 19th March - I listened to it, thought it was shit and didn't let anyone hear it.
Events then took their course. On the 19th we had class photos taken in the main hall. I was there between S and J, I looked geeky and they looked... like they always looked. Except J didn't smile. On the 21st, our order from mail order specialist Gema Records came, which meant I had "Machines", "I'd like to see you again" and "Tomorrow" in my collection. And that means it was the first time I heard "All that love and maths can do". You know the story, it's on Goldfish somewhere.
And on Wednesday 26th March 1986 we had the school prizegiving. And I felt like S kept looking at me and smiling, like she was winding me up. I had a dreadful feeling the prizegiving would be a disaster - I'd fall over on stage, I'd do something stupid in front of everyone (looking back, this is a very ASD trait) and worked myself up into an absolute frenzy of coiled up fear. Nothing happened but that didn't stop me worrying.
After all that, I seem to remember watching both girls play in a hockey match, then getting bored and walking into town with my friend Nigel. We were discussing girls and I happened to mention S - not about my crush but just in passing - and he said "Oh everyone fancies her" and I was crushed. I bought Melody Maker (featuring a great review of "Circuses and bread") and cycled home in a glum mood. Everyone fancied her? What chance did I have?
So I wrote a song about it called "Wind up". I should point out it is pronounced like winding up a clock, not blowing in the wind. The next day was the final day before the Easter holidays and we all sat around in the library, and I wrote another song there (at eleven am) called "Unless". S kept on winding me up, I felt. She wasn't doing it deliberately, I was just hyper paranoid.
Then school broke up and on the Friday my family went to Cardiff and in HMV I saw "Circuses and bread" was released, so I bought the LP there and then and played it and was gobsmacked at how good it was. Then it was Easter holidays so I effectively did nothing, saw nobody and did a lot of thinking in my head. And listened to the persistent melancholy of the Durutti Column.
I also explored some old tapes from my parents collection. One in particular was astonishing - "Can't help falling in love" by Andy Williams. A brilliant album, but somehow on that first hearing in 1986 it shook me to the core. No idea why, but it triggered some deeply hidden memories which made the album a very emotional experience.
So Easter passed by and I recorded the two new songs I had, and I wrote two more. "Each conversation" is perky electro pop with an honest lyric, but we will get to each song individually soon. That was 2nd April. On the 5th April - a Saturday, so another Final Ecstasy practice session - I borrowed Dave Blake's Wah Wah pedal and wrote and recorded "Someone else's dream" that night. It wasn't electro pop. And lastly I recorded a version of "Simple thing as love" from the Andy Williams album. Shoved them all together on a c15 tape and had a new EP.
The original plan was for the EP to be called "Despair" which is a pretty dull title. While thinking about the songs and titles I came up with a better EP title "Dreaming, winding, talking and lying". Again, winding like winding a clock. I also reconsidered the earlier shelved EP, decided to put both together and made a double EP, a contrast between the apparent happiness and the apparent sadness between the two EPs. I made up sleeves, put two tape boxes together and stuck them with sellotape (so it looked like "Substance", only a year before that) and had the tapes ready for "release" to my friends as soon as Summer term started.
With hindsight and the distance of thirty two years I have to say this - bloody hell, get over it mate. So everyone else fancies a girl you fancy, so what? Singing songs about how confused and depressed you are won't change anything, let alone endear you to her. But that's just how teenage me reacted, sulking and moaning and putting it into songs. Luckily the songs are quite good....
"Unless"
Ah the sound of a VL-tone drum machine. The verses are supposed to be like the guitars on "The true wheel" or "China my china", only less competent. The chorus guitar is supposed to be like raga rock. There's synth bass and me singing and one guitar and that's it really. I like the lyrics, they sort of sum up how I'm feeling. Not sure about some of the rhymes though, particularly in the second verse.
"Wind up"
Roland bass and lead, some dodgy Casio keyboard and me managing to change the drum patterns mid song. Quite effective. Not really passionate about being pissed off but you get the idea
"Someone else's dream"
Note to reader - at this point I had no distortion pedals. This sound was achieved purely by overloading the VU meters on my tape deck. (A bit like the single version of "Revolution", I hear you say). I think Dave Blake's Wah Wah helps. So there's VL-tone drum machine, bass synth and two slightly distorted guitars. And me raging, or as raging as you'll hear until I clean up the Final Ecstasy tape. Of course it's not about a real dream, but it works for me. Shame about the guitar solo. Someone once said this was my Jesus and Mary Chain moment.
"Each conversation"
Hastily edited to fit onto the tape, thus losing an introduction and a first verse, but you do get the whole play out. An imaginary conversation with S and / or J. Not that that was ever likely to happen. There is a slight lift from "Royal infirmary" on this song, only without all the ninth or diminished minors that Vini Reilly would use.
And that's the EP.
What?
The Andy Williams cover?
No, you're not hearing that, it's appalling. I hadn't worked out how to transpose a song for my voice, so I sang it in the same key as Andy and I squeak and squawk and fuck me it's horrible so no, you're not hearing that.
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